Walk a Day In My shoes

Well what can I say, I heard some folks say before, man I smoke out cuz I got a stressful life and job, and I always was like hell no ill never let that shit happen, hmmm (It did happen) Its amazing how hard it is for me to relax man Im like a ball of nerves no matter what Im doing or who I am with. I have potential clients to impress and man I just can't seem to find myself, I feel so upside down. I have a guess as to who I am and what I like, but im finding it very sad that I can't even figure out what to call my new graphic design business. You would think someone this old should know more about themselves then anyone else. But I don't think I am the only one with this issue. Im also going through freaking withdrawl from these horrid pain killers that they have me on, so needless to say the smoking and drinking is not the worst part of this weekend. I don't really have much time to do much of anything except plan and plan. When my mind is active my body is ill, and so fourth. I really need to start to look into the eastern medicine because I truly lost all of my faith in Western Medication. I know it always sounds like I am complaining, but goddamn it if I can't express myself here then when the hell can I. I know I could be much much worse, but its hard to think very straight getting off of shit that puts a bandaid on everything and doesn't help the issue. Its hard enough having people not believe that Fybromylgia (including my husband) is real, including medical physicians, to all of them I say "Walk A Day in My Shoes" and tell me its not real!

Does anyone else have fybro and if so...

how the heck do you deal with it without being on constant pain meds?? The only thing that I have found to truly be helpful is marijuana but in the state of nevada its sooo expensive to get a card, Its like 500 dollars, not to mention the cost of the marijuana as well. so if anyone has any suggestions please let me know, thanx

One of the Cannibals was MIA...

Dear followers,
I am happy to say that the danger is over! Eric my husband and co-cannibal had his gull bladder almost erupt this past wed. He was rushed to the ER and OUT came that horrid gull bladder. He was released from the hospital on Friday and came home Saturday. He is getting better day by day, he insists on going back to work tomorrow instead of the recommended two weeks, but what can I say other than damn him hes sooooo freakin STUBBORN. Wish me well baby sitting him at work and thank god for me that I didn't lose him. Now for the second emergency my mom in mexico was rushed into the ER almost the same time, apparently she had very high blood pressure and was at risk of having a stroke. My sister is now talking to me, I suppose when it all comes down to it, when its about life or death the silly disputes disapere. Once again I try and remind everyone that life is really short so do what you have to do to enjoy it. Every one is fine as of now but I will keep you posted. The Fybro has really been taking its toll on me so I am trying to take care of eric, the full time job, and the house, needless to say the house is a mess. WHO CARES!!!

Why is it sooo hard to ...

Remeber that you are alive. Is it your job, is it your home, is it your family or more importantly is it you? I keep telling myself today could be your last day and yet it is like im in denial. I continue on my regular routine and don't do anything extraordinary at all. I feel like my creativity has been blocked for a long time now and I just cant get myself out of this rut. I continue to feel like I am drowning in a glass of water. I can see the world outside of my glass but I am too scared to actually break the glass. Its funny to know that the worse possible outcome is death, but yet death can be right around the corner, its not like you avoid it by playing it safe. Everyone has their number and I am quite amazed that my number hasn't come up yet. So with all of this knowledge wouldn't you think it would be easier to brake the mold and escape the rat race? Maybe thats why I have such a problem sleeping at night, because I know that when I sleep I break out of my mold and become whoever I want to be. All I know is that the bed has become a nightmare for me instead of a relaxation. Too many thoughts racing through my mind at once. Isn't their like a Pause button just for one night? Well I leave this blog getting ready to do the sleep routine brush my teeth put on pjs and hope that I wake up (not alive) but in time for opening my store. Sad isn't it!

Catching UP...

So nothing very interesting going on at this time, however I can complain about having to pay $1500.00 for a new water heater, isn't taking a shower with warm water overrated?? I guess not, I should of just went outside in the 115 degree weather and taken a shower, but then again whats the use of having neighbors if they go blind? I am happy to announce that the website I created is up and running smoothly (knock on wood) so if you like please do me the favor of checking it out and telling anyone who needs a website that I make it affordable and super easy! Thats what I do!
Check out my two websites
www.cannibaltoy.com
www.vernellbrownjr.com

Love ya all talk to ya soon!

So what now??

So what exactly happens when your at the end of the road? Do you try a detour, or do you make your own? I have a slight feeling ( more like a fact) that I will have to make that decision really soon. I am aiming toward making my own road. Its gonna be hard and I'm gonna need a ton of self assurance and self esteem, but in the end I do believe it will be worth it. In the meanwhile I will consider my options closely and try for once not to make the educated guess but the soul full guess, I think the money will come in the end. I'll see you there.

Hmm why can't there be a magical transporter by now?

Sometimes I wish our technology would be so advanced, that we should have a magic transporter or something, but then again I can only imagine the cost.
Well if I had one I would go and visit all of my friends first then I would end up in Europe somewhere, just kicking it. Of course I am sure this can all be possible by just having a ton of money now! I'm working on it!