Why is it sooo hard to ...

Remeber that you are alive. Is it your job, is it your home, is it your family or more importantly is it you? I keep telling myself today could be your last day and yet it is like im in denial. I continue on my regular routine and don't do anything extraordinary at all. I feel like my creativity has been blocked for a long time now and I just cant get myself out of this rut. I continue to feel like I am drowning in a glass of water. I can see the world outside of my glass but I am too scared to actually break the glass. Its funny to know that the worse possible outcome is death, but yet death can be right around the corner, its not like you avoid it by playing it safe. Everyone has their number and I am quite amazed that my number hasn't come up yet. So with all of this knowledge wouldn't you think it would be easier to brake the mold and escape the rat race? Maybe thats why I have such a problem sleeping at night, because I know that when I sleep I break out of my mold and become whoever I want to be. All I know is that the bed has become a nightmare for me instead of a relaxation. Too many thoughts racing through my mind at once. Isn't their like a Pause button just for one night? Well I leave this blog getting ready to do the sleep routine brush my teeth put on pjs and hope that I wake up (not alive) but in time for opening my store. Sad isn't it!