Walk a Day In My shoes

Well what can I say, I heard some folks say before, man I smoke out cuz I got a stressful life and job, and I always was like hell no ill never let that shit happen, hmmm (It did happen) Its amazing how hard it is for me to relax man Im like a ball of nerves no matter what Im doing or who I am with. I have potential clients to impress and man I just can't seem to find myself, I feel so upside down. I have a guess as to who I am and what I like, but im finding it very sad that I can't even figure out what to call my new graphic design business. You would think someone this old should know more about themselves then anyone else. But I don't think I am the only one with this issue. Im also going through freaking withdrawl from these horrid pain killers that they have me on, so needless to say the smoking and drinking is not the worst part of this weekend. I don't really have much time to do much of anything except plan and plan. When my mind is active my body is ill, and so fourth. I really need to start to look into the eastern medicine because I truly lost all of my faith in Western Medication. I know it always sounds like I am complaining, but goddamn it if I can't express myself here then when the hell can I. I know I could be much much worse, but its hard to think very straight getting off of shit that puts a bandaid on everything and doesn't help the issue. Its hard enough having people not believe that Fybromylgia (including my husband) is real, including medical physicians, to all of them I say "Walk A Day in My Shoes" and tell me its not real!